College Humor

The Thing That Would Not Graduate is a 200 page story of college humor and coming of age. A shy introvert entering college at the ripe age of 20, wide eyed and full of expectations, I surveyed the 10,000 wild young adults around me with great reverence and awe. It took a semester to fit in, but soon, beer transformed me into a whole new person. Suddenly I was living on the edge of craziness and constantly pushing beyond my limits.

I thought college would be overwhelming. I thought college life would be huge and I would be a tiny speck just watching it fly by. I didn't dream I would jump in feet first and take the whole thing for a spin. I have mentors like MacKenzie and Lance to thank for that. They took partying to deeper levels every weekend. At first I just tagged along, awed by their reckless pursuit of fun. But those guys were contagious. Soon I was following right in their footsteps. And before I even realized it, I had passed them up. I was on the edge, fueled by beer and shots, a living catalyst of fun and laughs for the rowdy folks around me. With the help of a few brews, I was transformed from a painfully shy introvert into a wild party animal, a leader. Well, probably more of a clown or mascot I suppose. But I had a role, and I was good at it.

Laughs and goofy episodes became the nightly quest. Mentored by dorm veterans, I became a drinking legend. Beer guaranteed that I could have friends laughing and shaking their heads every night.

I suppose it got out of hand. But I thought that was the point -- we were supposed to go overboard! That's what everyone pretended to believe. Beer was plasma, nectar of the gods, they said. If you weren't drinking toward oblivion, then you weren't trying hard enough! That's how my pals talked. There was no extreme too extreme. But when I pushed the limits of that theology, friends got worried. I was taking it too far, they insisted. I was drunk every night and hung over every morning, and skipping all classes except on exam days. But I was having the time of my life. No one could take that away from me. Well, I guess the academic board could take it away, based on my 0.75 GPA.

Flunking out of college was a real wake up call. I languished in the boring routines of a menial job and a lack of purpose or direction. But that began to change when I hung up my drinking mug and became a retired alcoholic. But sobriety alone didn't bring fulfillment. It only removed one of the obstacles. Now that I had thrown out my social crutch, I had to learn from scratch how to talk to people. I struggled to learn how to make connections that weren't alcohol based. But I found ways. I searched and found true riches and worthwhile causes. I changed inside like I never thought I could. I found answers and purpose.

Come and take an inside peek into the hardest and most fun years of my life. This work is written in a humourous style, told in first person. Countless readers have enjoyed reliving their own college years as they immerse themselves in this story of lunatic adventures and pranks.

The entire book is free of charge and available on line for you to read. Ready? Turn to Chapter One now!

© Copyright 2004.